2024 Week 35: Clothes Maketh the Man

I spent Sunday decluttering the clothes collection, which has been bursting at the seams for some time. 

You can trace the evolution of my interests and identities (tried with enthusiasm, then discarded) through the clothes I bought this year. The sensible work pants I bought when I thought I was all set for long hours in the social services; the patterned dresses I got to wear to cafes to write and edit books in; the sports bras and leggings for yoga; and finally, the cropped tee and lounge shorts for embracing the "cute suburban stay-at-home pet mom" persona.

I know it sounds frivolous, but the truth is that it hurts every time I have to put away one set of outfits. Because it's not only about fashion, right? Thoughts like "it's not working after all" and "I guess I'm just not ____ enough" accompany the ritual demotion of the Shiny New Me outfits to the bottom (seldom used) drawer. And knowing that it's not over; I will have to continue my search.

It's been a years since my last flurry of new acquisitions. I lost interest in clothes around 2015 and since then, my wardrobe has just been a lot of plain and functional gear. This year I got interested in clothes and presentation again as my old (lack of) style suddenly chafed like crazy during the March trip to Indonesia.

Incidentally, or not, it's also been a year of sudden interest in finding a new identity or project to dive into. You see, I had been holding myself back, observing from the sidelines, dabbling without commitment since I left MoneySmart in 2021. I guess this period of convalescence was necessary. But like the long-time patient regaining strength, this year I got violently sick of doing nothing. I wanted to get up and LIVE!!! I want to do something that mattered, that I can put hours into, and say on my deathbed that yes, my life did add up to something. 

Foolish in the face of the impermanence and smallness of the human life, maybe. Nonetheless, I followed that hunger, though it has led from one disappointment to another. 

On hindsight, my mistake was assuming that my hunger could be met via a job. I did the Beyond internship, for which I will forever be grateful for pushing me out of my comfort zone, but that did not result in a viable "career switch". Then I thought a support role (communications/fundraising/volunteer management etc.) in a nonprofit was the thing for me, and there were a few jobs I seriously considered, but that (being honest with myself) would not have worked. I even tried to make petsitting a complete career and identity, before realising that bureaucracy was against me.

Meanwhile, this year, Jon had gotten a job with which to pay for his Total Face & Body Revamp, and my compersion was marred by a slightly envious wish that I, too, could get on with life in the same way. However, we are different people and I know I have to find my own path...

So that's the recent past. Let me start September as a new chapter. Let me settle into housewife mode with my house and family and animals to care for. Let me close the door on that eternal false temptation and fool's errand: finding purpose through a job. Let me instead be useful and good instead to the people and creatures already in my life. Let me be curious about unusual life paths and cultures and ideas. Let me read about them, experience them, write about them. Let me start to draw again. Let me progress in yoga. Let my "small life" be enough!

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MON: lunch with parents at Chinatown, "work", yoga

TUE: "work" reading (Guy Standing - Basic Income), yoga

WED: We Read Together meetup, dinner at Jollibee, and then bailed on Angry Activist Happy Hour

THU: IKEA outing with parents, "work"

FRI: double yoga (including a super difficult yin yang class where you had to achieve total muscular relaxation while long-holding poses like dancer pose), more Substack

SAT: Heavens, period cramps so napping, resting, snacking & watching The Onion movie

SUN: Carousell-ed stuff (finally got round after like 6 months of procrastination)

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"Work" refers to updating my 3 websites apart from this blog: Pets Hideout, my portfolio and my Substack. I started the portfolio site for "semi-professional writing" about life outside full-time work, but I realised that my old Substack has some decent content so I'm thinking of merging them. 

I have also been cooking quite a lot, although haven't taken any photos. The current formula is: rice, poached green veggies & slow cooker soup (ABC soup, radish soup, rawon).