2024 Week 34: Unemployable

My mind has been busy with 2 things. 

The first one is that my mum is suddenly getting episodes of blood pressure at night. She has no history of hypertension, so she thinks it's related to GERD (which she has had for a long time and has worsened this year). She had to go to A&E twice this week. Nothing life-threatening so far, but I will need to step up my involvement as part of family support network. She has a lot of specialist visits lined up in the coming 2 months and my dad and I will take turns to take her to the hospital.

The other one is an interview with an animal charity for a fundraiser position. I was attracted to this role because it's full WFH and it's for animals. I have no experience in fundraising, but I thought perhaps my experience in marketing could be applied to it. The first round went positively, but I learnt that it was going to be an extremely busy role (a lot of ground to cover) with quite a lot of responsibility (basically this person is in charge of all revenue!!).

Quite a lot of exciting ideas around fundraising and revenue optimisation popped into my head during and after the interview. To the point where I felt a little disturbed. Was that really what I wanted to be good at - making money? Convincing people to part with their cash? A/B testing calls to action?

I think when it comes down to it, raising revenue for nonprofits is pretty much like any other product on the market. I am not such a believer in human kindness that I think people would be stirred by sob stories or the desire to help. No, charitable giving, I believe, is just like any other lifestyle purchase (we spend to tell ourselves and others who we are) or financial tool (we invest to gain some kind of financial benefit; in this case, tax deductions), perhaps a combination of both.

That means you're competing with a massive marketplace of goods and services. Not just other charities. It's not impossible to compete. But it probably requires a very deep rethink of the way fundraising is done. Some level of "productisation" definitely. And therefore, all its trappings: increasing reach, understanding decision journeys, identifying purchase triggers, removing pain/drop off points, optimising for maximum convenience... 

It seems interesting to work on, but frankly I don't have the expertise for consulting, nor do I have the time it would take to implement these things on top of the job's BAU (in-person events, 10 email inboxes to manage). So in the end I decided to withdraw my application.

Anyway, in light of my family's situation I do not think I will have the bandwidth for a full-time job, even a remote/WFH one. Nothing like a health scare to make you prioritise, huh?

I realised that applying for random jobs is my automatic response whenever I face issues around not having a job. Fear of failure. Lack of motivation. Anxiety about finances. Lack of validation. Sometimes just plain old boredom. And rather than face these issues and try to deal, I'd often spam MyCareersFuture. "La la la, if I get The Perfect Job my problems will magically disappear!" Escapism at its worst.

It's about time to accept that I am never going to work in another full-time job. Ever. 

Look, I was never the most tractable employee in the first place. Employers had to accept my attitude because I was good at and willing to do the money-making stuff (see above) that normal, respectable people shy away from. But spending the last 3 years out of the regular workforce have made me drift so far from the mainstream that I don't think I am employable anymore. I could probably land a job, but survive in one for a decent period? Don't have the requisite mindset anymore.

This week...

MON to WED: Hoi An. After arriving in SG, went straight to kopitiam with Jon to satisfy my hankering for fish head curry.

THU: interview, yoga, kimchi soup for dinner

FRI: Sniffy and Pixie check in, lunch at Mayflower Market (hankering for Vietnamese food, but the stall was closed), working on website, yoga, dinner at Fulton

SAT: Keisuke Ramen for lunch, hang out at parents' house, made bun thit nuong (finally!) for supper

SUN: blog post, then writing meetup later