Suzy Reading - The Self-Care Revolution

 

When I was sick last week, I took a wee break from Serious Reading to read up on lifestyle improvements. I guess this was prompted by frustration with my failing body and immune system - self-help was my attempt to exert control (over what little I could control!) in order to feel better.

The vitality wheel

I liked Reading's "vitality wheel", which includes (1) rest (2) movement & eating (3) coping skills (4) environment (5) social connection (6) mood boosters (7) goals (8) purpose. 

It made me realise I've been really myopic in the past, focusing on just (1) and (2) - the physical body - and rather neglecting higher-order well-being needs like (7) goals and (8) purpose - i.e. motivation! And on hindsight it was silly that I expected to feel great magically without putting in the effort to deploy (6) mood boosters.

"Vitality", in fact, is quite a good state to aspire too. I much prefer this idea of energy and drive to that of stillness and rest which is perhaps the predominant theme in the self-help world. 

Some notes I made while reading the book...

1. Sleep, rest, relaxation & breathing

Sleep is essential for sanity, but all types of rest are good. (So if you can't sleep, at least rest, relax, breathe.)

Be aware of the effect of stimulation; ideally arrange things to follow a rest-promoting stimulation cycle. So in the morning, get a big dose of sunlight, food, caffeine. In the day you can do stimulating things like exercise and watch horror movies. 

But when it's time to wind down, i.e. nighttime, do soothing, calming things. I liked the suggestion of having a bedtime library of soporific literature.

Get ready for bed by relaxing the body and mind in multiple ways. Body: do restorative yoga poses to work out kinks and strains from the day; take a meditative shower. Mind: do a brain-dump in a journal - the mental equivalent of working out the day's stresses - and peace out with the 3 good things exercise.

You can never have too much relaxation, so also take opportunities throughout the day. 2 ideas I liked were resting your forehead on a solid surface (yes, headdesking is apparently soothing) and spraying a scent and smelling it.

2. Movement & nutrition

Move daily for at least 20 minutes, and get it done as early in the day as you can. This ought to be something enjoyable but it needn't be complicated. Also non-exercise-y things like housework or a walking/cycling commute count too. 

Reduce decision-making to raise chances of success. Have an "if... then" system; for example, "if it's raining I will do yoga", "if it's sunny I will swim". Prepare your exercise kits so you can grab and go at the slightest opportunity to move.

Same goes for food: reduce the choices you make in a day by planning meals and having a grocery shopping list. Don't try to overhaul your diet but just work with basic swaps, like changing sweet drinks to soda water. 

3. Coping skills

4 big coping skills I need to adopt...

Boundaries 101: your circle of control. When an issue arises, proactively decide whether it belongs in or outside your circle of control and deal with it accordingly. 

Listen to your self-talk. Is it something you would say to your best friend? If you're not that kind to yourself - then repeat what you said, in a nicer way.

If you're the type of person who jumps on urgent rather than important things, maintain a To Do List. This list is not meant to exhaust you, but to help you visualise and therefore prioritise what's important.

When you catch yourself in a thought-spiral, give your brain something else to focus on: music or exercise. Or write it down, which often helps clarify things.

4. Physical environment

Home hacks: decorate, designate a relaxation spot, use scent e.g. room sprays or aromatherapy handwash (relaxation every time you go to the toilet), comb your hair.

The other important thing is to be in nature as much as possible. Plan your country walks, but also incorporate it in tiny doses every day - sit in the sun for 10 minutes, watch the sunrise or sunset, look out the window at a cloud or a bird, and add elements like shells or pebbles or plants to your home.

5. Social connections

We all know that part of self-care is spending time with friends - which, if you don't have many friends, might make you (me) feel rather pathetic. Well, Reading suggests creating a "team" in your head of people who you walk through life with. Her list includes her hairdresser and yoga buddies, among other people who are not necessarily BFF-type friends but are no less important for support.

Celebrate things with friends. (What a good suggestion. I feel so intensely self-conscious about my lack of achievement - "what's there to celebrate" - I have quite forgotten that celebrations are a thing.)

6. Mood boosters

Wear a nice outfit and groom yourself. Even if you're not leaving home, put on a set of nice clothes to wear just for yourself.

Listen to happy music, watch movies that make you happy, do/watch anything that makes you laugh. 

Play! By yourself, with other people, with pets. A lot of things can be play, including drawing and writing.

Learn a new skill - because we need to be beginners sometimes and laugh at ourselves.

7. Goal setting & accomplishment

"Happy people have projects". Projects (or just the one project) have 3 purposes: they are (1) something to work on, (2) something to look forward to, and (3) something to help focus your decision-making.

Projects are the means of personal growth: they're how you get from your present to your future self (the one you like more).

8. Values & purpose

Here is a list of virtues from viacharacter.org: creativity, curiosity, critical thinking, learning, perspective, bravery, perseverance, honesty, passion, love, kindness, social intelligence, loyalty, fairness, leadership, forgiveness, humility, prudence, self-control, appreciation of beauty, gratitude, hope, humour, spirituality. Which are yours?

If (7) is about projects then (8) is about giving those actions meaning and tying them into what matters to you. Define your goals, break them down into actions, and give them timeframes.