2024 Week 30: Health Things

After a long walk and talk with Joel on Tuesday - mostly about disease and death, whee! - I finally got the kick in the ass I needed to attend to some physical matters. In short order, I saw the doctor about my knee, did a blood test and pap smear, and made a dental appointment in JB to fix the tooth decay in the gap between my front teeth.

Hanging out with Joel gave me the safety to spew all kinds of knee-jerk responses to health matters. That response is basically: lalala I don't wanna know anything, hopefully I'll die in an accident before I ever find out what parts of me are falling apart! I don't know where this childish resistance to basic self-care comes from. Chalking it down to the usual immaturity (13-year-old edgelord trapped in a 38-year-old's body) but that's hardly justification...

In any case, I hied down to the polyclinic and CHAS clinic - thank goodness for cheap healthcare. My knee pain turned out to be inflammation of a fluid sac in the joint, a condition problematically known as "housemaid's knee". I can't believe I thought it was a piece of hay stuck under my skin. As for the health screening (cervical cancer, diabetes, hypertension, heart disease) I'll know next week. The doctor told me not to eat too much junk lol.

^ At Annalakshmi

Last week I was feeling extroverted and positive about meeting and seeing new people; this week the pendulum has swung all the way back to the other side. I got really turned off by some people in the Stranger Conversations and Post-Growth SG Telegram group so I left. Now my Telegram is filled with Swensen's bot updates and blessedly free of posers! Yay! At the same time, I have started reading Kushiel's Dart, and now I'm like, why should I go out when I can live vicariously through our girl Phèdre Delaunay? I guess my interest in meeting people is libidinous in nature. 

This week I have been working on Gerard's book and I feel very happy whenever I do so. Something about the confluence of not 1 but 3 areas of interest/work experience - bookselling, writing/editing, and social services - is deeply satisfying. I get close to a "flow state" when I do this work - a feeling I have not experienced for a long time. (The flow state is very different from doing merely pleasant work.)

Which brings me back to something I talked about with Joel: whether one approaches work positively (open-hearted, wanting to do good work) or negatively (defensive, cynical, I'll fuck you first before you fuck me kinda attitude). I claimed that I was in the latter camp, because it's just me being realistic about the nature of labour. Yet another edgelord moment HAHA.

Now that I've had some time to think it over, my considered take is that perhaps contempt for your clients/work/management is just deflected contempt for yourself. Anger that you've been "reduced" to lowly work. Fear that you have less "market value" than you thought. Bitter suspicion that anyone who ever praised your potential/talent was just manipulating you to work more for less pay. 

Like Jon's electrologist said: "only hurt people hurt others." Random wisdom from random strangers!

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Okay enough waffling, here's how my week went:

MON: housework, book editing, yoga

TUE: housework, grooming, adding booking forms to Pets Hideout (but not too pleased w the result). yoga, dinner and walk with Joel (thank you for the sushi, it was so good!)

WED: clinic, housework (bleh), rawon soup for dinner

THU: lunch with dad and popo, bought random shit (Mister Donut for my brother and Paris Baguette quattro formaggi pound cake for Jon), book editing, yoga

FRI: jog to Bishan Park with Jon, lunch at Grub (wedding recce but realised it has a dealbreaking unmoveable panel in the centre of the restaurant ugh), Books Beyond Borders warehouse sale

SAT: electrolysis, Annalakshmi, a bit of reading & a bit of home improvement, this blog post

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Cat is very confused about the washing machine.