2023 Week 35: I Ran

We have a new guest: Frosty. It's his first time staying in a boarding place and the poor dear is not too happy about it. He's hardly eating. He must be wondering where everyone is and what on earth he's done to deserve this. Poor baby.

I notice how stressed I am over the animals under my care. Frosty's our first guest who hasn't settled in well in a while, and yesterday, the cat spazzed out and couldn't move for a while (he's recovered). It takes considerable effort to (a) acknowledge the thought-spiral (b) remind myself that I cannot control animals and (c) care for myself even when I feel like a failure. 

In other news: I RAN this week. Okay, it was only 3 or 4 rounds around the park downstairs, and only 3 times this week, but it's a start. The first time was hell, and I was so out of shape, I had DOMS for the next 3 days. But the second time was better and the third even a little enjoyable.

Despite my relatively healthy routine I feel a little troubled. Like I wrote in my previous post, I find myself in a good place right now. I have achieved my childhood ambition of staying home and reading a lot of books - I should be happy! Yet I feel stagnant. I flit from interest to interest, book to book, never really committing. 

Social obligations and meeting people feel overwhelming to me at this moment. My sense is - I need to figure myself out before I start figuring out others. But that is of course the wrong attitude to take. I should instead be curious about others' circumstances to get ideas and inspiration, even if they are negative ones. Info-gathering.

This week I read 2 trashy fantasy books: Malice and Her Majesty's Royal Coven. I was left unsatisfied. So, genre fiction might not be the cure to my reading funk. Maybe I have trouble focusing these days because reading is so passive. I sense that my brain wants to be active: it needs something new to chew on.

Mon: coffee cupping with neighbours we met off Olio, freelance writing, Triangle of Sadness

Tue: yoga, 2-6pm work, and a lot of reading

Wed: 11-8 work

Thu: lunch with family, library, reading

Fri: 11-8 work

Sat: Bishan Park, reading, me-time in the library

Sun: hay run & lunch at Serangoon North, grooming, nap, writing

Some study says that 2-5 hours a day of free time is optimal; happiness decreases with more than 5 hours. Probably you start using the time sub-optimally e.g. playing games or doing busywork that isn't actually important. Certainly true for me.