UK Diary Part 1: London
Day 1
Sign of inexperience: booking a long-haul flight without looking at the seating plan. The plane was a Boeing 777 and not recommended in the least. It was so cramped it could've been a Scoot flight, and a baby screamed for 13 hours straight. My plan to beat jet lag by staying up reading until a reasonable bedtime in UK time zone failed because the reading lamps were spoilt...
At dawn in Europe we were spat out into Zurich for the freezing layover. Zurich is the logical positivism of airports. Stark and depressing and reductive.
Day 2
Swissair did not feed us on the transfer flight from Zurich to London. Thus our first meal was at Heathrow's Caffe Nero of all places. That £6 bacon/sausage bap and coffee were life-saving though.
We made our way to Mill Hill East where our housesitter's brother and partner were hosting us. The area outside the tube station is newly developed: factory-produced apartments in (faux?) red brick with floral building names and interiors all cleverly pre-fitted.
Before I could flop down in their hotel-grade bedroom and pass out in bliss, Jon made us head out again to Leicester Square.
Thus our second meal (not counting the £1 sausage roll I grabbed from Co-op) was at the Leicester Square Wetherspoons. We were very excited because (a) it's our first time at Wetherspoons and (b) it's named The Moon Under Water after George Orwell's fictional dream pub. Alas, it was not a dining experience to remember. The mushy peas had a peculiar detergent aftertaste and my decaf mocha appeared to contain bird shit.
The sun was out in full force and masses of people were out and about. Wetherspoons fairly heaved with loafing Londoners and the 3 Malay/Indonesian blokes next to us were boasting about their passive incomes from their Airbnbs.
Then we did the typical tourist promenade through Leicester Square - WTF Great British Bake-off: The Musical? - Trafalgar Square, 10 Downing St, Scotland Yard, etc. It is worth noting that the security guards at the prime minister's address were far from tense - they were just bantering and leaning on barricades, utterly at ease.
We somehow made it to Evensong at Westminster Abbey, although I confess I lost the plot at the sermon about circumsicion and started wondering where the nearest Primark was. Got hit hard by jet lag and dehydration. The lack of water fountains and public toilets in London quite upset me. We hurried back and ate instafood from Co-op for dinner.
Co-op's sausage roll was the best thing we ate that day. I am curious to find out what would happen if I ate a sausage roll a day for 60 days.
Day 3
All over London you see construction for new apartment complexes, their hoardings promising you Your Very Own Home for just £XXX down payment. The flats, when built, appear sterile and mechanical, with little sign of habituation, let alone personalisation, from outside. You don't see plants or laundry or garden gnomes or outdoor furniture on their balconies.
The contemporary city flat is optimised for maximum tenancy to square footage ratio. Our hosts' 2-bedroom apartment is an example. The main door opens into a hallway with bedroom doors, while the "living and dining" area is a sealed chamber at the very end. This makes socialising optional. Indeed there have been times we tactfully avoided the common room until it was no longer occupied, in order to preserve our hosts' privacy. I suppose that's the only way you can share a flat and stay sane (our hosts Airbnb their spare room).
I've been feeling depressed since landing here - crying at everything, unable to enjoy anything - and I think it's caused by either jet lag or tiredness (I guess they're one and the same).
To start with I cried into my full English because I put some black pudding on Jon's plate and he told me his plate was overcrowded. It was my first time eating black pudding and bubble & squeak, both of which I was very excited to try. They didn't taste like much though. I think I prefer tomato and beans.
Feeling an intense need for vitamin C, I made us go to Waitrose for fruit. The Waitrose is massive and one could possibly spend days in there feasting on everything. But I grabbed tangerines and blueberries (both much cheaper and more delicious than anything in SG) and we set off for the British Museum.
I spent my last (work) trip to London hiding from colleagues in the British Museum and have fond memories of the cheese and chutney sandwiches I ate here. However, the great museum did not impress Jon much:
The scarcity of nature in Singapore is expected given our small space and large population. But why is it that we can't simply leave the precious few nature spots as-is? Macritchie keeps getting trail upgrades that no one asked for; Mandai is being "rejuvenated" into a monstrosity; other so-called nature reserves making way for MRT tunnels and new homes. It is very embarrassing that the govt refers to Singapore as a "thought leader in conservation". Delusional.
After my lunchtime crying jag we went to the National Gallery. That was where (aided by chocolate) the depressive episode cleared up. I quite enjoyed looking at the Dutch "low-life genre" paintings and the Degas and the Holbeins. It was so busy though.
In the late afternoon we experienced the London drizzle for the first time. No one in London uses an umbrella. Londoners, attired in standard water-repellent puffy jackets, just continue walking in the rain, maybe putting their hoods up if they're weak.
Spotting Greggs at Leicester Square, we ducked in immediately for a restorative sausage roll, steak pastry, doughnut and tea. After reading so much about Greggs' sausage rolls I found it quite disappointing - I didn't expect it to just be luncheon meat. I prefer the Co-op roll we ate yesterday. But I like Greggs a lot, at least philosophically. It's unpretentious and cheap and a low-cost refuge for London lowlifes.
We both feel quite tired from walking around London so tomorrow we'll just relax and go for OTJ training at our upcoming housesit.
Day 4
We took our first train in England today. It was only a local train, but still! How exciting to tap our Oyster cards at Waterloo station! Our destination was Isleworth, where we'll be housesitting over the Easter long weekend. We moved our bags in and did our handover with the home- and cat-owners.
Instead of going home, we went on a random walk to the Thames. Here, we were accosted by pigeons, crows, ducks, geese, and swans of all temperaments.
The sun was out so we continued walking and ended up in Syon Park - the dumping ground for Henry VIII's 5th wife before her execution.
After emerging from Syon Park we found ourselves in Brentford Cafe and ate the Brentford Special in the company of bus drivers.
What followed was an unplanned bus 267 excursion from (outer London) Brentford to Twickenham to Chiswick to Hammersmith (inner-ish). Through the bus window we could see the shops and eateries and people getting increasingly twatty.
Outer London: libraries, greasy spoons, nurseries, Asda.
Inner London: Caffe Nero, Planet Organic, boxing gyms, Waitrose.
Somewhere in between: many real estate agencies, all working overtime on a bank holiday eve. (Why!?)
We also stopped by a strip mall for Asda, TKMaxx, and (our favourite new discovery) Home Bargains. From Asda I got a £3 roast chicken dinner with confusing instructions. I gave up on baking and heated it on stovetop. The veg would not cook, no matter what, thanks Asda.
Meanwhile Jon made some pork roast which was pre-marinated and reduced to clear.
I find British supermarkets amazing. For one thing, food is fabulously cheap: you get a big loaf of bread for £1, a big box of blueberries for £2, a huge amount of meat for £3. The vast majority of food is washed, trimmed, and pre-chopped - in some cases, like above, pre-marinated - so all you need to do is pop it on the pan or in the oven and Bob's yer uncle. I don't think you need a colander or chopping board.
Home Bargains is a treasure trove of a different kind. It's like Valu$, but with a massive range of snacks/food, toiletries, homeware, and... medicine! Meds are so widely available and cheap here - we felt foolish for bringing so many pills along.
Day 5
Imagine us 2 slit eyed chinks in a sea of English louts at today's sold out Millwall vs Luton match at The Den, South Bermondsey (working class part of London, all car workshops and aluminium cladding megastores). Yes I felt weird for the first 30 minutes, but once the action and screaming begun it was hard not to get swept away:
No one likes us
No one likes us
No one likes us
We don't care
What a treat. Afterwards Jon bought merch and I bought an obligatory 99 with Flake, but the unusually hot sun had done its damage and I fell into a stupor on the train.
We arrived at our housesit the late afternoon to make friends with Buddy:
Have fallen into a meal routine here. Breakfast is fruit and bread or porridge (i.e. oatmeal), lunch some sandwich or pasty takeaway, dinner we cobble together something "at home". Today's was Chinese food on Deliveroo (yes, it's been only 5 days and we caved) and Co-op salad and bananas.
Day 6
Isleworth is a neat, if vanilla, town with nice middle-class houses and schools and not much else. We are staying in a lovely 2-storey house with a TV lounge, big kitchen and dining room, garage, and backyard in addition to 3 rooms upstairs. The communal spaces are so inviting and you can really sprawl out here.
I can completely see the appeal of a place like this compared to the small apartments closer to the city centre. Pets are also so much happier with backyards to roam around in.
The sheer variation within a small space is one of the main draws of staying in Greater London. From Isleworth one can take the bus 15 minutes to Hounslow and explore that happy shambolic Indian mess, cake shops and curry takeaways galore, where someone's painted Van Gogh's Starry Night over the entire front of his house.
Take the bus 15 minutes in the other direction and you get to posh Richmond, home of rich white people with Joe & The Juice and Lululemon stores. That was where I headed today, to meet up with my aunt and cousin for brunch at Bill's.
After that we walked up to Richmond Park in the hopes of seeing deer. We didn't see any after an hourlong trudge; the scenery got better when we followed the takeaway cup toters to Pembroke Lodge gardens. I loved King Henry's Mound, a special viewpoint where you can see straight through London to St Paul's Cathedral. The way is kept free of buildings by zoning laws. It's incredible.
After coming home to feed Buddy his dinner I decided to try out Too Good to Go at the nearby WHSmith:
It's a good amount of food for £3 but of course a mix of items (e.g. drink, snack, yogurt) would've been nicer. You can't choose the items though. I am tired of the cold sandwiches here so I will probably heat these up or upcycle for breakfast. I would imagine most TGTG places offer similar foods since it's these prepared items that need to be disposed of.
For dinner Jon ordered KFC lolz. The KFC here offers either standard chicken pieces (thigh etc.) or "mini fillets" (boneless chicken breast). The latter are quite good although not very crispy when they got here. But the standouts were the fries (skin-on!) and mashed potato (didn't even need gravy). We also had popcorn chicken but these were just nuggets, not even chicken pieces. Meh. Overall KFC was surprisingly good, perhaps even better than many chippies.
Day 7
Buddy is a hyper-intelligent cat overlord who has conditioned his humans to give him what he wants. If he wants something he'll come to you and lead you to a specific location. If it's the kitchen, he wants wet food; study room, treats; staircase, playtime; if he stands on the landing, he wants you to brush his fur. He's amazing at communicating and so amusing to watch.
It being Sunday, we went to Hyde Park's Speakers Corner. Not sure what we were expecting but it was quite disappointing that they were mostly religious nutjobs. Don't know why audience members were trying to engage the preachers about evolution and stuff - but I found it fun to join in screaming "liar, liar!" - maybe doing this mob thing is cathartic. It almost had the feel of a public lynching.
Jon was not impressed. He found his ice cream and hotdog more amusing.
I don't like Hyde Park at all, but if you must go, go via Marble Arch station instead of Hyde Park Corner. The former has a Sainsbury's just before you enter the park and it's wise to buy picnic things here. The eateries in Hyde Park are hideously overpriced; even the toilet costs 20p (payment by contactless card only, no Oysters).
After the commercial shitfest that was Hyde Park, and the weird Muslim evangelist(??) who used the most insulting (to Islam) argument possible, essentially selling it as a form of low-cost spiritual speculation, we ran away to Marylebone station for a Gregg's break.
Then we went to Novelty Automation. I am not doing it any justice, but if I had to describe it, it's a social satire experience in the form of little analog arcade games. For example, here"s one where you play a peon in the Amazon Fulfillment Centre:
For dinner we ate McDonald's on the train home. Oh but British McDonald's is glorious! They do a £1.99 wrap of the day if you just need a hot bite, which I did. It was really good for the price, with lots of veggies and a choice of fried or grilled chicken inside. I ordered a side salad which was like £1.50 too. It's a bit strange that McDonald's serves more veg than any pub or supermarket Meal Deal we've seen so far.
Home! But it is our last day at Buddy's; we will be on the train to Settle tomorrow. I leave you with a couple more favourite things from this housesit: the breakfast counter and electric fireplace.
Initial impressions of London:
1. Londoners don't seem very materialistic. The ads on the tube are mostly for plays, books, and TV shows. Hardly any fashion or tech or consumer goods being advertised. Our host says that Brits like to buy property as a form of savings.
2. Nor do Londoners seem particularly career-obsessed. Yes they do work long hours, but that's what it takes to get by in London. What I mean is the job doesn't seem to define the person - it's not a substitute for your home/partner/friends/hobbies.
3. Greater London suburbs outside of Tube range feel much more chilled out, with more sense of a real community instead of a bunch of faceless landlords remote-controlling London properties from overseas. Also far less construction.
4. One feels awfully shabby walking around London because most people are well-dressed with tastefully tailored coats and all.
5. There is no phone signal on the Tube yet no one dies from it. (You figure directions out the old-fashioned way, before Citymapper and Google Maps.) People on the Tube read a lot. Londoners like to read that Richard Osman mystery series and self-improvement-masked-as-psychology books such as Stolen Focus.
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